Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Hot, Hot, Hot

So today, because I'm extremely tired and I don't feel like coming up with my own material, I'm stealing it from comments left on other people's blogs and products I found on Amazon, because I found them terribly entertaining.

Actually, there was a bunch of potential candidates for this first one, but this particular comment was the one that stuck out, because it made me actually stop, try re-reading it, and I still went, "What...?" Enjoy:
I’m a stakeholder in the Wal-Mart chain. Their four Wal-Mart store in my area, over the past five years I have seen the quality of the merchandise dementias. The customer service at Wal-Mart is disappointing, it’s like the employee have not been train in customer relations. The stores always crowded with mechanic and junky looking. As I stated I’m a stakeholder, but if I do not have to go in a Wal-Mart store I do not; I go to a Target store first. The customer service is better and the quality of the merchandise is much better.
And then here's a couple of five-star reviews for the first Left Behind book. This first one's by Ted M. "Ted", and it's a doozy, as can only be written by someone who would be hailed by Sean Hannity as a member of the intellectual elite:

I am not normally a reader of novels. I mostly read fact books and books of that nature.
I have never really liked books like that. I have even read many and had trouble paying attention to them.

This book is different. It is the very firs novel I read from cover to cover in less than 3 days.

It is the incredible Christian story of the Rapture and the chronicle of how God will take all of his true followers to heaven before the last days to spare them from the horrible things that will happen.

There are more books in this series and it is one of the bestselling Christian series of all time.

This book gives an important message that the last days are approaching and that Jesus Christ is returning soon.
And here's my favorite review of all time, for the same book. Also (clearly) five stars:
I just dun finished this here book. Now I'll tell all ya fellas that I aint too much on book learnin or readin words but I was goshdanged by this here book. It's just like I always dun knew it was gonna be. The Lord Jesus God gonna come down here on this Earth and be a whuppin up on all those people that aint right like christians. That includes all the dirty muslins and the stoopid aytheists (can't never be spellerin that word correct-like). Anyways I only hope the Lord God Jesus's repersentive on Earth, George W. Bush, can a get this here 'pocalypse a comin soon enough. Theez damn books are a goshdamn sight better than a watchin Jerry Springer or beatin up ma kids like I usually be doin'. One of them stoopid revewers said this here book was a ritten at a sixth grader level. Well thats a bunch of spit and possum vittles. I dint even finish the fourth grade and I'm a readin it just fine. Ima just hopin somebody gonna make nifty cartoon out this here book. YEEEEEHAAAAWWWWW!!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!!!
I tell ya, I live for this shit. This is the kind of idiocy I just don't find in the world I live in. Okay, granted, the last one's probably a fake, and a very good one at that, but with regard to the first two entries, I can totally see these posters' mothers pulling a Chinatown and eventually confessing, "She's my daughter AND my sister!!!"

AIM: therbmcc71

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