Sunday, November 26, 2006

Eight Days a Wiik

Yeah, I've got no shortage of Wii puns for the blog titles. Anyway, it's been about a week that I've had the Wii, and it's only now that I'm finally getting back to my blog to say how obscenely cool it is, beyond initial impressions.

It is obscenely cool, even after a week, which is odd, given that most videogame systems (or, more appropriately, the games themselves) don't really keep my attention for this long. As I've stated before, it took me about twenty-seven hours' worth of gameplay to realize that Final Fantasy XII simply wasn't any fun. If nothing else, it seemed like work. As a counter-point, the four games that I got for the Wii continue to be fun, sometimes absurdly so.

Wii Sports went over exceptionally well at my sister's place on Thanksgiving. Everyone played, and my nephew bitched for over an hour, because everyone else wanted to have a bowling tournament and he doesn't like bowling. He prefers boxing, though he's exceptionally bad at it, as he doesn't listen when I tell him to keep his guard up or try to dodge the incoming punches.

Rayman Raving Rabbids, in particular, fits the bill for "absurdly fun," since half of the selling point on the game is the fact that it doesn't take itself seriously in the least. An entire section of the game is devoted to shooting toilet plungers at lunatic rabbits. Some sections of the game are almost obscenely difficult, and I say that because I tend to mumble obscenities about the enormous amounts of physical pain inflicted by those particular sections of the game, although men who jerk off with their left hands will find that God has granted them a much easier time in the level in which the player shoots carrot juice at incoming rabbits who happen to be wearing snorkels and goggles. Like I said, it's absurd, and it's still very fun to play.

Excite Truck is a very nice change for me, since I long since got tired of racing games like Gran Turismo and Forza, where they claim the physics are terribly realistic and you spend half of your time racing shitty little courses you've done ten times before so you can equip your Volkswagen GTI with a new exhaust system. This is to say nothing of the Pimp My Ride aspect that they've been growing into in recent years. No, instead, Excite Truck is simple, the physics are laughable, and it's actually fun. Playing Forza was a simulation to the point where I thought my accountant was trying to screw me.

Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (hereafter referred to simply as Zelda) is a very good game. I think I'm fourteen hours into the game, and I'm still not sure if it deserved the scores it did, and I'm still sure I liked Wind-Waker better, but it's now gotten to the point where it's a good game. I've finally gotten the nifty stuff that comes standard with a Zelda game, like the boomerang and bow and arrows, which is to say that it's finally getting fun. It's just a good time, laying the smack down on countless bad guys, thinking your way through dungeons...

And I have to say this, because it's gotta be said: If you have to consult a FAQ or strategy guide in order to beat a Zelda game, your mind isn't analytical enough to make the minimum wage. We should just outsource you to foreign countries, where you can join their manual labor force for five cents an hour and no bathroom breaks. I feel very strongly about this, because the boss-fights in a Zelda game have never been very difficult; rather you just have to think your way through it. Sure, you might die once or twice, but it's generally very simple, and then you move on. But I hear about these people saying the dungeons are too hard to get through, and I just want to beat these people repeatedly about the head.

But I digress. Fourteen hours in, it's becoming a standard Zelda game, in which we get to see Peahats and Death Mountain, and other familiar aspects of the series, but there's one very freaky sequence in which the game earns its ESRB rating of "T," which is for "Teen." As we all know, "E is for Everyone," just like your mom. Bwa-ha! Anyway, freaky cutscene, the likes of which I wouldn't have expected out of a game in this series, not unlike dead younglings in Episode III, though a dead Jar-Jar among them would have been a nice addition.

I figure I'll probably get Trauma Center somewhere closer to Christmas, as my game money for next week is going to get spent on that Amazing Spider-Man DVD-ROM I was talking about a couple posts ago. I'd really like that big-ass 14-disc Superman box-set, but I have to sock away some dough and buy other people stuff for Christmas, which is no fun. Something else comes out on DVD this week, anyway, and I was going to buy that and watch it on Friday night over Chinese food, but dammit if I can't remember what the hell it was. ... Oh yeah, it was Clerks II.

AIM: therbmcc71

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Everybody's Workin' for the Wiikend [update 2]

It's all hooked up, and now I'm waiting for the update to finish. This is probably a lost cause and Nintendo's probably totally bogged down in their update pipeline, so I probably shouldn't bother trying to access the weather channel. I might add that it's terribly cute, and I now totally understand why the wrist strap comes attached to the Wiimote (no, I didn't accidentally throw it).

... After playing Wii Sports for about an hour or so, I have declared the Wii to be the coolest thing ever made. I might add that I also got Zelda, Rayman Raving Rabbids, and (because we didn't have any copies of Trauma Center) Excite Truck. I figure my niece and nephew can have a blast with the latter two of those, but Zelda is mine, all mine.

Also, my arms feel like they're about to fall off. Wii Sports for an hour is pretty much cardio for the day. That I've now been up for twenty-four hours is beside the point. It's all terribly exciting, and I don't know what I should do next. I'm thinking food would be a good idea, since I stayed up all night on Coca-Cola and coffee; you might say to me, "Well, if that was what you had, why not just drink Coca-Cola Bläk, or whatever it's called?" Answer: Because that is some foul shit that should be used as rat poison, if not for the fact that the rats won't go near it, either.

I'll be back after I take a break of an indeterminate amount of time.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I totally forgot to mention how it went, actually getting the unit. So anyway, as with any launch, there were more people than systems. Happens all the time. Now, most of the people who got there before the store opened got one, because the last ticket was handed out at 7:45, but that didn't stop a couple of guys from yelling at the manager, "We've been waiting here for three hours!" This didn't fly, because the guy would have had a ticket, had he only been at the store for three hours. He was a liar, so he didn't get any sort of consolation (so to speak) from the manager. The lady who was eighty-second in line demanded a system, because she got there right after the eighty-first (and last) person to get a ticket. She didn't get one, and said she was going to Wal-Mart, and they would get her $250. Yeah, good fucking luck there, lady.

AIM: therbmcc71

Everybody's Workin' for the Wiikend [update 1]

I got in line at 6:45, and they started handing out the tickets at a couple of minutes after 7:00, as expected. I got ticket number 56 out of 81, and I'm now typing this at the local Pantera Bread (where thrash metal meets sandwiches). Since my console is guaranteed until noon, I'm not going to hurry back. It's cold outside, and I need coffee.

And I've crunched the numbers, and I'll have just shy of a hundred dollars left to make it through the next two weeks, if I get the Wii and two games. This is probably a good time to trouble my brother for that tank of gas he owes me. Now I just have to figure out which games I'm going to get. Hopefully we'll still have some copies of Zelda, and I really want Rayman Raving Rabbids, but the last game is the big question. I'm thinking Trauma Center, but I might go with Excite Truck for the kids. I have no idea.

I wonder how many people in line felt guilty about skipping church for a Nintendo. Also, I wonder if those people who were in line for twelve hours felt stupid, since everyone in line got a reservation ticket.

By the way, if you're reading this and you live in the Aurora (Illinois) metropolitan area, the Gamestop in the Fox Valley Mall has a hundred and fifty units and only thirty-two reserves. The line starts at the doors between JCPenney and Macy's, so get there early, since it's probably your best shot at this hour.

More details to follow. Tune in for your semi-regular Wiikend updates right here, where there continue to be no boobies.

AIM: therbmcc71

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Everybody's Workin' for the Wiikend

Preface: I still hate Blogger's lack of support for Safari (the official Mac web browser, for you poor, unwashed Windows users), which forces me to use Firefox. Not cool.

So it's a little after ten o'clock right now, and there's about fifteen or twenty people camping out in front of my store, waiting for the Wii tomorrow morning. I'd include pictures, but I lack a digital camera, so you'll just have to take my word for the descriptions that follow:

There's a significant difference between the people waiting for the Wii and the ones who camped out for the PS3:
  • The Wii people are more unkempt after two hours than the PS3 people were after two days. Seriously. After two days, the PS3 people looked like they needed showers, but at least they were well-dressed. The Wii people are, by and large, sweatshirts and pajama pants. I think this may be their normal wardrobe for the outside world.
  • They set up a fire. That ended real fuckin' quick. Then they bitched when management told them to put it out, as though the words 'fire hazard' had no meaning to them.
  • They're fat. No, seriously, hear me out. The PlayStation 3 people looked like the sorts of people who lead active lives, with the exception of the forty-eight hours they camped out to get one. The Nintendo people look like theLinky need to stop going to McDonalds and play some Dance Dance Revolution. On the upside, at least the Wii essentially requires some physical movement from its users beyond sitting on a couch moving their thumbs. These people need to burn some calories, anyway.
I just watched one of my friends play the Superman Returns demo for the Xbox 360, and it's nice and pretty and all, but I'm pretty sure I still prefer Spider-Man 2 on the original Xbox, where I can be the King of Swing, as I like to put it. Also, it's pretty nice being able to swing through a generally accurate map of Manhattan.

Speaking of Spider-Man, if anyone wants to get me something for my birthday, feel free to get me the 43 Years of Amazing Spider-Man DVD-ROM, containing every issue of Amazing from its inception to earlier this year. I've already got the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and Uncanny X-Men discs, and they're quite phenomenal, as I've alluded to before, in a post that I won't go digging for, but they're quite good.

Now my friend's playing Raw vs. Smackdown 2007, or whatever it's called; the new wrestling game, as I prefer to call it, since I've no intention of playing it at any point, since I don't think any of these games have improved since the WCW Nitro game for the Nintendo 64. However, between the weekly shows, apparently the player has to put together the docket for the weekly show, including various matchups and promotions, be they advertising or spots for upcoming pay-per-views and such. This would be generally interesting if it was a "tycoon" type of game unto itself, but the rest of the game looks pretty retarded.

I found out after about twenty-seven hours that Final Fantasy XII just isn't any fun. It's a good game, as Japanese-style RPG's go, and the story's generally compelling, but it's not any fun. By comparison, Final Fantasy X-2 was a joke by comparison to the other games in the series, but it was almost all fun, and I think it spoiled me. This is sort of like how, with the exception of the boss-fights, Spider-Man 2 is one of the most insanely fun games ever. Like I said: King of Swing.

My friend was all upset because I told him Red Steel would never be played on my Wii. Ever. He's not so terribly upset about this, since I informed him that the game got a 5.5 (out of ten) from Gamespot. The new Zelda, on the other hand, is getting insanely good reviews from pretty much every outlet, registering (currently) a 96.6% on Game Rankings, which is even better than the score for Gears of War, which I decided I hated after about ten minutes. Even Wii Sports is getting substantially better scores than Red Steel, and Wii Sports is a fucking pack-in. There's just no excuse for any game to be worse than a pack-in, unless that pack-in is a Mario game. This would not necessarily be true if Luigi's Mansion had been a pack-in for the Gamecube, but the Cube lacked a pack-in, just like every system of that generation.

The PlayStation 3, getting back to that, probably had next to no games sold for it on its launch day, as many people probably learned from last year, where the Xbox 360 went on eBay for thousands of dollars. This year, it seems to be slightly different, where the market, only two days after launch, is already beginning to equalize, and not at the multi-thousand dollar values everyone was thinking it would.

It seems that the legitimately high valuations on PS3's seems to be floating around a thousand dollars, and they're starting to go for even less than that. I looked at one auction that just closed for four thousand dollars, but the bidding was really suspect, since one guy bid $3,999.00 several times over the course of several hours, only to retract the bids. Then, just prior to the auction's close, someone else bid $4,000.00 for the unit. None of these people have any feedback, which kicks my bullshit detector into overdrive.

However, another auction that should be finishing within the next couple of minutes is currently at $1,111.00. The one behind it is around $1,300. One that starts at $2,500, which is coincidentally the "buy it now" price, has no bids, and it's closing in ten minutes. The get-rich-quick notion of waiting in line for two or more days to get a PS3 seems to be totally mistaken, and the people who took days off of work to wait in line probably could have made more by actually going to work. The market got saturated almost immediately, and so the system now only commands a premium of a few hundred dollars, which is going to shock a lot of would-be sellers.

And I have to laugh at them, because it's a fucking videogame system (apologies to Sony and their silly Blu-Ray idea, which hopefully just won't pan out). I don't have a high-def TV, and I don't see that well anyway, so what the hell do I need a PS3 or Xbox 360 for? I want my Wii, and I want it now, but I'm just going to have to wait another seven and a half hours.

AIM: therbmcc71

Friday, November 17, 2006

Night in my Veins

I've gone and switched over to the new Blogger software, which has since killed all of my counters and various other links. Please comment if you feel you've been slighted by this technical difficulty, because I don't remember more than about three people's sites. But I can tag stuff now, just like the cool sites. Losing my counters is kind of a downer, but I think I actually saw them ticking backwards recently, so I guess I can't complain that much, and at least blogging here is still better than Myspace.

Anyway. It's time for the Playstation 3 launch, and people have been waiting outside of Tarzhay since Wednesday night. Now, call me a jerk, but I think these people have it entirely too easy. For some reason, they're allowed bathroom breaks and trips to get coffee in the store, and they don't lose their place in line. In fact, the only thing they've been told they're not allowed to do is pitch tents. Personally, I think they shouldn't be allowed any of this, because it'll weed out the people who don't really want the system from the ones who do.

The bathroom breaks are my big sticking point. I mean, they should have to stew in their own feces for a couple of days if the system (or, more likely, their eBay profit) is that important to them. A nice case of diaper rash is nothing compared to the beholding this system in all of its glory, which I daresay might border on 'stuponfucious.'

Actually, not really, because the $600 price tag is more than double the Nintendo Wii, which comes out (in dramatically larger numbers) on Sunday. I'm very excited about the Wii, as it will afford me the opportunity of offering girls the chance to play with my Wii and not be sued for sexual harassment. Unfortunately, I'm poor, so I probably won't be able to afford more than just the system and one other game (that being either the new Zelda or Rayman game). Beyond that, I probably wouldn't be able to afford gas or smokes for the next two weeks, because work is totally screwing me on hours.

In any event, it's a fairly exciting weekend, and I have to go to sleep if I'm going to wake up early enough to laugh at the poor bastards who don't get their PS3's. Honestly, I doubt we'll have more than ten, and I'm pretty sure there are more people than that in line right now. And I think the movie Freaks is the movie of the night on the TCM Underground show, hosted by Rob Zombie; the description of which is (no joke), A lady trapeze artist violates the code of the side show when she plots to murder her midget husband.

Honestly, it doesn't get better than this. I mean, it does, but I'm single and poor (and pretty sure the two are related). But we won't go into that. Maybe one of these days I'll get around to commenting on Final Fantasy XII and some other stuff I've been playing lately, but now isn't the time, and I usually have better things to do.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and the best porno title that I've heard in the last week has got to be Spain in the Ass. That one's gotta be awesome.

AIM: therbmcc71

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Losing My Religion

With the holidays approaching, I have taken a long, hard look at the notion of Intelligent Design, and I have found it to be perfectly plausible. As such, I've decided to take up religion:

I am going to become a Pastafarian.

Further information on the Pastafarian religion and the Flying Spaghetti Monster (which created everything) can be found at

I just thought I'd clue you all in before you start wishing me a Merry Christmas, and I respond to you that you cannot irrefutably prove that Jesus Christ is not the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

And then, if you're a girl, I might try to convert you by having you touch my noodly appendage.

AIM: therbmcc71