Thursday, November 20, 2003

Yes, I know it's been a couple of weeks, but I've been terribly busy, what with throwing money at my car in hopes that it would be permanently fixed, and now I've just got a nice used Sonoma, which is about a billion times better than the rust-bucket that was my car.

So I have no idea where I was going to go after the last post, and so I'm just going to comment on my channel surfing of the day:

Watched forty minutes on the Kennedy Assassination. Am now convinced Lee Harvey Oswald did it. Am also convinced that there was no conspiracy amongst anyone outside of Lee Harvey Oswald.

Watched ER. Nice enough episode, although I have to say that I laughed my ass off at two points, one of which was just obvious and the other one being that Dr. Romano has terrible luck with helicopters. And then I started talking about his role in Robocop, and that his character in that movie died in a very, very bad manner, in which he first got toxic waste dumped on him, began to melt, and then got gibbed by Robocop's car and became windshield-washer fluid.

Watched the end of Patriot Games. Movie features a very young Thora Birch; Samuel L. Jackson, with a very prominent bald spot; Patrick Bergin, who was on last night's episode of Smallville; and finally, it also had Boromir. See, my logic here is, if I said, "It's also got Sean Bean," y'all would be going, "Huh?" But if I say it's got Boromir, then you either know what I'm talking about, or Boromir is just a pricy vitamin that paid for product-placement. "I'm taking Boromir every morning, and I'm feeling much better."

And right now I wish my ex-girlfriend was online, because Mary Reilly is on AMC, which used to mean American Movie Classics, but will now run just about anything, as noted by the fact that Mary fucking Reilly is on right now. Yes, the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... as told by their/his servant, Mary Reilly. This movie is certainly not a classic. The only thing classic about this movie is the way that the trailer stuck in your head for ten fucking years, to the point where whenever I see anything about this movie, all I hear is John Malkovich whispering, "Mary Reilly", which was always a running joke with my ex-girlfriend, which ties this paragraph together quite nicely. And can I just say that these people are complete and total morons for not being able to tell that Jekyll and Hyde are the same guy. It's simple mathematics: Malkovich = Malkovich. We're not talking rocket science here.

Skipping forward on the cable a few channels, we end up at A&E, which used to stand for Arts & Entertainment... Now it's just some mediocre point in between, as I notice the Ed Harris & Benicio del Toro vehicle, "Huevos de Oro" is on. And that's the best part of the whole movie. Yes, it's called Golden Balls. Or, maybe Golden Eggs, but it's twice as entertaining if you can get a little laugh out of the title Golden Balls. That's really not saying much about the movie, is it? Good, because that's how I wanted it to sound.

Next channel: E! Again, somewhere in the title is the word Entertainment, but right now, I'm watching Corey Feldman trying to sing on the Howard Stern show... and... I'm changing the channel.

And we've got Howie Mandel working at Starbucks in a Tonight Show segment. Trust me, my day at Apollo's is funnier than this. I actually turned into the Coffee Nazi today when a college student said she didn't want a Cappuccino, she wanted a Crappuccino... and I yelled at her, "No coffee, one year!" I've always wanted to do that.

I just saw an ad that just totally missed the reality bus. It said, "The Number One movie in the hearts of critics and audiences is Master & Commander." Now, if I'm not mistaken, box-office dollars determine the Number One status of anything... and I've heard that one done in all kinds of ways, "The Number-One family film in America is Brother Bear!" when it actually only did like five million dollars, which was forty-five million less than Matrix Revolutions did that weekend. But, sure enough, it was the number-one family film. I hate it when they spin it like that, but this Master & Commander one was complete and utter horseshit.

Anyway, I'm going to chill out now (which is exactly what I was doing before, but without the typing) and watch some Law & Order of some variety or another.

AIM: therbmcc71
ICQ, MSN, Yahoo: Yeah, right, like I use those.

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