At Least the Supreme Court Isn't Responsible This Time

Well, from the counts coming out of Ohio, it's looking like the people of the United States have officially (and for the first time) elected George W. Bush to the office of President of the United States. The up-side to all of this is the fact that in four more years, provided Dubya hasn't managed to start a nuclear war and kill us all, there will be no one to blame but Republicans for any and all of the ills that will befall the nation.

In lighter news, Alan Keyes lost the Senate race by about the predicted forty-plus percent landslide, making Barack Obama only the third black United States Senator since Reconstruction. I considered noting that Illinois also sent Carol Moseley-Braun to the Senate, but then I remembered that I like her about as much as I like the outgoing Senator, Peter Fitzgerald.

So, I've been following things since The Daily Show ended a few hours back over at cnn.com, and I have to say that the most fascinating thing has to be the exit-polling. For example, fifteen percent of people polled said that Iraq was their biggest concern, and three-quarters of them voted for Kerry. Twenty percent said that the economy and jobs were their concern, and those people also overwhelmingly voted for Kerry. In the most bizarre statistic I've seen, twenty-one percent of people said that moral values, of all things, were their primary concern, and they overwhelmingly voted for the punk-ass chump, George W. Bush.

In the game of "lesser of two evils," twenty-six percent of people said that they were not necessarily voting for their own candidate, but against his opponent.

Okay, here's a funny statistic: In the question, "Did Bush attack unfairly?" (which is in regard to political advertisements and such), sixty-one percent of people said yes, of which a third of them still voted for Bush. Mathematically, this breaks down to twenty percent of the American populace, and they love their dirty tricks. This explains the success of the television show Survivor.

The thirty-five percent of people polled who were totally against same-sex unions of any sort (marriage, civil union or otherwise) voted overwhelmingly in favor of everyone's favorite National Guard deserter. While we're on the subject of ignorant people, twenty-nine percent of people said their family's financial situation is worse than four years ago, but twenty percent of that number still voted for George Bush, who -due to the 'global economy' we're living in- supports exporting jobs like the Middle-East exports oil.

Four percent of people polled are gay, lesbian or bisexual. Twenty percent of them voted for George Bush, who supports their lifestyle like he supports a strong economy. If you missed that jab, I'm saying he doesn't.

African-Americans only made up eleven percent of the voting populace, if this poll has any legitimacy. Even if it doesn't, the margin of error could be as large as five points, and I'd still have to say that not enough is really being done to mobilize the African-American vote (since ninety percent of those polled went for Kerry). At the same time, though, eleven percent of voters were voting for the first time today (and the majority went for Kerry).

When asked what the most important quality of the candidates was, the candidate's intelligence was primary with seven percent of people. Needless to say, Kerry won that contest with ninety-one percent.

I suppose there's a bright side to all of this: We get another four years of Bush-bashing from the likes of The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live, and various non-Fox news organizations who just like to report on the train-wrecks of any presidency. As for Fox, well, they're always fun, since their coverage of the opening days of the war in Iraq was like a comedy of errors; I swear, they announced (and retracted) the death of Saddam Hussein a good five times in the opening week.

In closing, I'm going to tell you about a guy who works at my Tarzhay. He's moving to Japan to teach the little Nipponese children there how to speak English. He doesn't speak a lot of the local language, so I imparted upon him one very valuable piece of advice: If you're an American going to a foreign country, be sure you know how to say, "I didn't vote for Bush," in their native tongue. This could save your life.


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