Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Pandering to the Dyslexic Democrat Vote

The Libertarian Party here in Illinois is running a guy for Senate named Jerry Kohn. Yes, his name is Jerry Kohn. Read that again, because this is your election-dyslexia test for the day. Now, what would have certainly made this worse is if the Republican Party decided to funnel money over to the Libertarians, so as to run Jerry Kohn for President. Here's a simulation of what a clusterfuck that would be:

United States President (vote for one)
Okay, so I made up the Vice-Presidential nominee for the Libertarians, but you get my drift. In an election as close as this one, you'd think that the parties would be pulling out every dirty trick they've got, short of a total Watergate kind of thing; although I do recall a hubbub about the GOP lifting files out of Democratic Party computers, their defense being, "The files weren't secure enough;" we will not be seeing an independent counsel investigation over this, I'm sure.

But I digress. Dirty tricks, I was talking about. You'd think that the GOP would be begging the Libertarians to run Jerry Kohn for president. After all, I'm not sure what the percentage is of Democratic voters who happen to be dyslexic, but it might very well be just enough for George Bush to retain the Presidency. Oh, sure, it'd be like the "butterfly ballots" of a couple of years ago that had old, practically blind people voting for Pat Buchanan, who was ironically running on the "Soylent Green" platform. ... Pat yourself on the back if you got that semi-obscure euthanasia joke.

That's all for now. Tune in later for more Election Night coverage, in which I will probably refer you to the United States Supreme Court for a final call on who wins. However, I will reiterate that the Packers beat the Redskins, which means that John Kerry will be taking office in January; had the Redskins won, it would have been four more years of George Bush; and if a bunch of gun-nuts were to start plugging referees on the field, putting an early end to that particular football game, no doubt the Libertarians and Jerry Kohn would be taking office.

AIM: therbmcc71