Friday, April 28, 2006


So you say you want a Revolution? Well, you're not going to get it, because Nintendo made the bizarrely questionable decision to name its new console "Wii," which is pronounced the same as "we," which also functions as British slang for urination. Oh, sure, it's also pronounced the same as the French word for "yes," but that doesn't make it any less stupid. No, it makes it even more stupid, because it's French.

In any case, let me just state for the record, in case you couldn't tell already, that I hate this new name. I really, really hate it. And I'm pretty sure that the reason I hate it stems from the fact that I'm American.

See, if you're from another country, you have to realize that we in America love the word revolution. We wrote the book on it. We have a holiday commemorating it. Oh, sure, the French had their revolution, but they were just copying ours. Other countries have revolutions, but usually they're just coup d'├ętats of the military variety, after which nothing really changes, except for maybe the person in charge of the country, replacing one corrupt regime with another. As such, I really liked the name Revolution. It had moxie, or whatever the appropriate word is, ever since Tarzhay invented an overpriced chocolate brand named Choxie, which made me hate the word "moxie" forever.

I mean, seriously. How are people in the business of videogames supposed to sell a console named Wii? "What do you want to play with this Christmas? A Playstation 3? No, you want to play with your Wii." Seriously, even trying to sell something with such a stupid name to people who don't know what the fuck you're talking about will be damn near impossible. I mean, I'm a big fan of the concept of the console, given that the Happy Trees guy is supposed to have a painting game for it, but this is a marketing clusterfuck on the level of the Atari Jaguar claiming to be a 64-bit machine (it wasn't... not remotely, unless you know nothing about computing, whereas you could make a case for it being a 224-bit system).

But I digress. Nintendo, you're being retarded. Could you please change the name back to Revolution, at least in America? I don't want to walk into a store the day after Thanksgiving and, when asked what I'm going to be buying, I'm going to have to reply, "I'm taking a Wii."

AIM: therbmcc71

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