Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Why Aye Man

So tonight I picked up the $11.99 Mark Knopfler and Dire Straits 22-song best-of album, and it's really very good. Oh, sure, I could have just dropped four bucks on "Sultans of Swing," "Walk of Life," "Money for Nothing," and "Romeo and Juliet,"but then I figured...

Okay, I can't even keep typing this, because right now I'm listening to this audio stream by this guy named Gunther, and I can't tell whether or not this is a very elaborate joke, or whether this guy sucks worse than Peter Andre. So, anyway, if music's your thing, you've probably heard Gunther's "Ding Dong Song," which is that "You Touch My Tra La La" song. It's so fucking bad, I can't believe that anyone would seriously do this.

I mean, the whole thing is very reminiscent of the "Elektronik Supersonik" video I linked to a while back, and that was kind of a promotional thing for a Molvania tour guide that you can pick up in your local bookstore (and I recommend doing so, because it's fucking hysterical). No one could seriously make music this bad. So here's the story, from the Rhino Records site:

Gunther, the International Ambassador of champagne, glamour, sex, and respect is out to “Sexualize The World” with his bedroom beats, melodic machismo and Swedish charms.
Here it is from Gunther's official site:
Pleasureman Gunther is set to have the biggest smash-hit of the summer with his fantastic debut single 'Ding Dong Song'. Günther is a 29 years old gentleman style 2000 in his best years. Günther is a true European, his origin is Sweden but he sees himself as a global citizen.

Günther has always been in the entertainment industry and now he feels it is time to change the attitude of the world to do something better.

Günther wants to change the worlds look at the sexual way of thinking, so he have started a new trend to sexualise it more in the world. "A Günther trend".
He has only started his mission to go out in the world and spread the message of Love.

The four main things in Günthers life are Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect!
Now, here's the kicker that throws me into the, "This can't possibly be real," section:


Anyway, if you want a laugh, or possibly make someone's ears bleed, or clear out a party after the kegs have run dry, Rhino's got an audio stream of Gunther's album on this page, in Real, Quicktime, and Windows Media formats. And Gunther's official site is pretty much just as ridiculous as his music.

Yeah, I was going to complain about women and the fact that they have all chosen this week to stop returning my calls and/or instant messages, but I'm just going to pick up my guitar and try and finally knock out "Romeo and Juliet," which is theoretically easy, but I'm just having timing issues and ... okay, I have to stop again, because the song "I Am Your Man (G.U.N.T.H.E.R)" just started, and it's taking all of my willpower just to keep from laughing so hard that I piss myself.

This is the greatest musical crime perpetrated against humanity since Uncle Kracker covered "Drift Away," which was the greatest musical crime since Eddie Murphy's girl wanted to "Party All the Time." However, if you're a musical masochist, check it out on iTunes. For $11.99, you get eleven tracks and the music video for "Ding Ding Dong Song."

So, yeah. This Gunther guy answers the question, "What the fuck does Sweden export?" The answer? TOTAL SHIT!!!

AIM: therbmcc71

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