Put a Shout Out to My Boy Colin

[Preface: This post came right on the heels of Gigli, which is no longer ranked as the worst film of all time, and has since been ranked even more admirably than From Justin to Kelly. Also, with reference to when this was written, Fubar had been down for a while, and someone in a previous post mentioned something about the word 'Fubar' being seen in a subway in the movie S.W.A.T. So, to further the celebrity connections to Fubar, I had to put a shout out to my Irish homeboy.

I just felt that it was a good time for Affleck to plug his new movie, even though he knew how badly it was perceived by critics, audiences and even people who will never see the film.]

I Will Never Work In This Town Again - 6:18pm August 15, 2003
Posted by Ben Affleck [Archives]

You know, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to thank Colin Farrell for putting the shout out to me that Fubar has found a new home. It would’ve been nice to get that information from Justin, but since he’s on the ass-end of the earth from whence come things like SARS.

Regardless, I’ve been pretty busy lately, what with getting down on my knees and smiling like a donut for the Weinstein Brothers, and pretty much anyone higher up in the Disney company than the kid who runs Space Mountain during the mid-afternoon shift at Disney World.

Then let’s not forget these anti-piracy trailers that I’ve been doing with Jim Cameron and just about everyone else in Hollywood who sold their souls to Satan (a.k.a. Michael Eisner) for a percentage of the back-end on some movie or another. But I’d just like to say that if Justin keeps on buying VCD’s, then Hollywood won’t be able to produce another summer of mind-numbing action extravaganzas that suck your will to live. And then I’ll be out of a job, and Cameron will be out of a job, and the rest of the tools who were in that commercial… well, fuck ‘em, that’s why they’ve got unions.

And the promotional tour for Gigli. … That came right about the same time that I fired my agent for getting me involved with that piece of complete and unadulterated shit. He made it sound so good, because the director of Beverly Hills Cop was attached (but he left out any mention of the box-office on Meet Joe Black), J-Lo was in it (and, quite honestly, I thought the title of the movie was pronounced ‘jiggly’ and it was a reference to her ass)… My agent made the whole thing sound so good, and now it’s the worst film in the history of film.

And then there were those hookers. And strippers. And Damon’s ex-girlfriends. And Casey’s ex-girlfriends. And any women who submitted screenplays for this year’s Project Greenlight.

In any case, J-Lo’s sleeping now, which means this is my chance to kick on the Spice channel (not to be confused with the Spike channel, which is not to be confused with Spike Lee, who is not to be confused with Spike Jones or Spike Jonze), because the alternative is J-Lo’s eyebrow-stylist who’s set up permanent residence downstairs, and looks more like Jim Carrey than Mariah Carey. Thank god for hardcore pornography.

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